You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
