When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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