i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
