oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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