I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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