im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
