I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We got so high we made milksteak
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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