i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
