he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
