i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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