I seem to have left my pride at pride
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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