you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
