I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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