dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
