Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
