I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
