i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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