; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
