my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
