At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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