so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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