What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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