It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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