Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
