you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
