If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
