My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
