I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
