i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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