Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
