Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
