she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
