it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
