I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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