so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
