i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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