you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
