I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
