You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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