he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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