so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
