yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
