They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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