This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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