So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
