I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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