and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
