I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
