genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
