I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
